yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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