I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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