This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
40s are totally the cure
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
