so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize