Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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