hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
