It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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