i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
