last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
