People in love make me want to vomit
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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