Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize