Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
