If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
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