We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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