My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's get the cat blown out
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
