This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
