C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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