only if we run a train.
done.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
