oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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