NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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