the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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