I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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