Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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