Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
