apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
