i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
