So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
