I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
