this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
