During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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