I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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