It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
