Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
