I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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