why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it because I queefed?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
