please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
