He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
