I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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