If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
