We're facebook friends in real life
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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