Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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