I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
