Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
