Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
