he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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