What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
