Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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