I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it because I queefed?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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