So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
