So drunk its hurt
farters have to be the big spoon...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what day is it and did you see me today?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
