I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
