I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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