oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
