The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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