VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
