he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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