Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
barbara walters just said penis...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
