Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
