I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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