and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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