Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
