I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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