Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
