im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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