You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
