Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
