It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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