At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
