My sheets look like a crime scene.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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