You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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