Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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