if you like me you must not know who I am
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
