i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
