I wish I only lived at night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
